Teen Rejects Stepmom’s Numerous Attempts To Change His First And Last Names, She Goes Dramatic

I’m 16M, and I’ve always had my mom’s last name since my parents were never married. She passed away when I was 5. My dad was already married to my stepmom at the time. I never really bonded with her, mostly because I could sense some tension between her and my mom before my mom passed. After my mom died, things got harder—especially with my stepmom saying things like, “You’re finally where you belong” or “I’m so happy you’re my little boy now.” It made me uncomfortable, like she was trying to erase my mom.

My dad wasn’t very hands-on, even though he liked to pretend he was. If I expressed how uncomfortable I felt, he’d just tell me to “accept being loved.” It didn’t help that just two months after my mom died, my stepmom gave birth to the first of my three half-sisters. Everything changed fast, and I was grieving and feeling isolated.

My stepmom always tried to get closer to me—sometimes by hiring babysitters to look after my sisters so she could spend the whole day focused on bonding with me. I know it hurt her when I kept my distance, but it hurt me more when she’d say things like “You’re mine now” or talk to me like a toddler, calling herself “Mommy” and using baby talk with me until I was nearly 12. I think she thought treating me like a baby would win me over faster.

She also insisted on calling me by my middle name, James—her dad’s name—instead of my actual first name. At one point, she kept asking if I’d consider changing my name to James officially so I could be “Grandpa’s junior.” I always said no.

When I was around 8 or 9, she and my dad even tried to legally change both my first and last names. The first time, the court didn’t go through with it because I wasn’t there, and the judge said I should be present. So I went the next time and told the judge I didn’t want to change my name—and that was the end of it.

But it’s always bothered my stepmom that I don’t share their last name. She has three daughters, and she keeps saying she wants “her only son” to have the same name as the rest of the family. A few days ago, she brought it up again—asking me to reconsider the name change and suggesting I could surprise her with it as a Christmas or birthday present.

I told her I’m not changing my name for her, and that I don’t see her as my mom or myself as her “boy.” She started crying and called me spoiled and bratty.