I know the concept of “mental load” is often discussed, so I hope this doesn’t come across as dismissive. My wife and I have three kids—twins who are 5 and an 8-year-old. For a long time, I agreed that I wasn’t carrying my fair share of the mental load. However, two years ago, my wife received a big promotion that required her to travel frequently for work, so I adjusted my hours and took on most of the household responsibilities—cooking, cleaning, organizing, and so on.
At first, it was chaotic, but eventually, things settled. Without the usual structure, life felt a bit more relaxed. Bath times and bedtimes weren’t as rigid, the house wasn’t always tidy, kids’ favorite clothes weren’t always clean, I ordered takeout for family visits, and holidays were planned last minute. But honestly, we managed, and there weren’t any significant issues.
Now that my wife is home more often, she’s stressed about how things are organized, and the “mental load” is weighing on her again. She admitted that it really bothered her how relaxed I had been about certain things, but of course, she wasn’t around much, so she had to let it slide.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a lot of the stress from the “mental load” comes from the pressure we put on ourselves? And that with the right mindset, it doesn’t have to feel nearly as overwhelming?
