We’ve been together for 8 months. I’m 18F and my boyfriend is 18M. From the very start of our relationship, we both agreed that watching explicit content while in a committed relationship is cheating. It was a clear boundary we set together, and he always reinforced it. He’d say things like, “Why would I watch that when I have you?” and talk about how degrading it is. He even told me his friend was “disgusting” for watching it while in a relationship. I believed him—because he looked me in the eyes and swore he would never cross that line.
A few days ago, I came across his old search history. He insisted it was from over a year ago and said he hadn’t looked at anything since we started dating. We had a long conversation, and he doubled down—saying he would never betray me like that. He told me he wanted me to trust him, that he respected our boundaries, and that it’s not something he agrees with at all.
But something felt off. My gut told me there was more.
This morning, I decided to check again. What I found shattered me. There was months’ worth of recent history—proof that he has been watching it, regularly, for at least the last 3 months. I stopped scrolling because it was already too much to process.
I feel completely betrayed. The lies hurt more than the act itself. He’s been reassuring me this whole time, talking about trust and respect, while doing the exact thing he swore he never would. We didn’t just casually disagree on this—we made it a mutual boundary, one he brought up constantly, reinforcing how wrong it was.
When I confronted him, he said he was “in a dark place” and “didn’t know where else to go.” Then he told a friend it was “temptation he couldn’t resist” and that he made a mistake. But the thing is—it wasn’t one mistake. He had months to realize what he was doing, and he never stopped. He never told me. He just kept lying.
And no—it’s not about being insecure. It’s about trust. It’s about being lied to, every day, by someone who claimed to share the same values as me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t know if I can ever come back from this. I feel stuck. Any advice would help.
