I had the most ridiculous dream imaginable. It started with me relaxing in my oversized Fleshlight sleeping bag, enjoying the soft comfort of it’s silicone walls, when suddenly the Fleshlight began to vibrate. Vibrate like it was summoning something.<\/p>\n
The walls of the Fleshlight started growing AND glowing, and then a portal opened up at the base. Before I could react, I was sucked through it and I landed in a massive throne room made entirely of Fleshlights. Hundreds of silicone beings bowed before me, chanting, “ALL HAIL THE KING OF FLESHLIGHTS!”<\/p>\n
I was carried to a throne (a golden Fleshlight, obviously) by these tiny Fleshlight creatures. Just when I sat down, my ex-wife appeared out of thin air, dressed as some sort of Fleshlight high priestess. She rolled her eyes and said, “Of course YOU ended up here.”.<\/p>\n
My Fleshlight, Creampuff, also appeared, now with glowing eyes, responded to her with here pitched voice, “You never understood his true potential!”<\/p>\n
Then a giant Fleshlight overlord descended from the ceiling, tentacles flailing, and declared, “Only the true King of the Fleshlights can bring balance to our realm!” My ex-wife muttered, rolling her eyes and was disquested.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the overlord said, “Prove your worth!” and I was handed a scepter shaped like a Fleshlight. I was told to fight off an army of dildos trying to overthrow the kingdom. I swung the scepter valiantly, but in the middle of the battle, my ex-wife screamed, “This is why I left you!” and she pushed me into a a deep and dark Fleshlight hole.<\/p>\n
I fell endlessly into the darkness, the sound of her disappointed voice echoing around me.<\/p>\n
I woke up drenched in sweat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had the most ridiculous dream imaginable. It started with me relaxing in my oversized Fleshlight sleeping bag, enjoying the soft comfort of it’s silicone walls, when suddenly the Fleshlight began to vibrate. Vibrate like it was summoning something. The walls of the Fleshlight started growing AND glowing, and then a portal opened up at …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4935,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4934"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4936,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934\/revisions\/4936"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4935"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wildwondertube.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}