My name’s Jake (21M), and my girlfriend Emily (20F) and I have been together for five years. We’ve grown up together in many ways, especially since we both came from difficult home lives. We’ve lived together since Emily turned 18, and she’s my best friend, my person — I love her more than anything.
About six months ago, something happened that changed both of our lives forever. I’ve struggled with how to talk about it, but I’m sharing now because I want to better understand how to support Emily as she continues to recover.
There was this guy, 27 years old, who wasn’t really my friend — more of a friend-of-a-friend. I always had a bad feeling about him. He’d make disgusting, sexual comments about Emily every time we crossed paths. Things like, “She should be with someone like me,” and, “If I had her in my bed…” I tolerated it for too long, trying to keep the peace, but I finally had enough and confronted him.
I went to see him outside his motel room to make it clear that he needed to stop. The conversation escalated quickly. He brushed me off, told me to “be glad” he wasn’t stealing Emily from me, and laughed in my face. I was about to walk away when Emily, who had been waiting downstairs in our car, came looking for me after hearing yelling.
And then everything went from bad to horrific.
As soon as he saw her, he grabbed her and dragged her into his motel room. He was massive, standing between us, and I couldn’t get past him. He locked the door behind him. I could see through the curtains — I watched him throw Emily onto the bed and strike her as she cried and fought him off. I was screaming for help, banging on the door, but no one was around.
I grabbed a fire extinguisher and finally broke through the door. The moment I got in, I hit him with it — I didn’t stop until Emily was safe.
The police were called. There was an investigation. Security cameras and witness statements confirmed everything. Emily was physically bruised but alive, and thankfully, the assault hadn’t gone further — but only because I was able to stop it in time.
That man didn’t survive. I was found innocent — it was ruled self-defense and defense of another. But none of that makes the trauma go away. Not for me, and especially not for Emily.
Now, six months later, we’re still living with the weight of what happened. We both go to therapy, both individually and as a couple. Emily also attends a support group. She’s incredibly strong, but I can see she’s still hurting. Her spark is dimmer. Certain things trigger her, and even though she says she’s okay, I know better.
I’m doing everything I can, but I still feel helpless sometimes. I never meant to put her in danger. I just wanted to confront someone who disrespected her — I never imagined it would escalate like that. I would do anything to go back and change how I handled it. But I can’t. All I can do now is be there for her.
I guess what I’m asking is… how can I help Emily heal? How can I support the woman I love through something so heavy, without making her feel like a burden or rushing her process?
If you’ve been through something similar — whether as a partner, a survivor, or a support person — I’d really appreciate your advice. We’re in this together, and I just want to be the best I can for her.
Thanks for reading.
